I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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