We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize