are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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