I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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