i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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