I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
