I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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