So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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