literally had 100 drinks last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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