Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
MIDGETS
????
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
