I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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