I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
