Can i not drive my cunt home
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
