i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
