we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize