pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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