Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
