I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
