You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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