Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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