That's intense
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
