My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
