And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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