Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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