i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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