come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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