I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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