Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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