that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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