dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
