Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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