I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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