the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
