Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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