I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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