everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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