Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
