you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
