I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Boobs speak an international language.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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