the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My ass is underappreciated
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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