I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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