So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
