Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
