SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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