rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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