went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
