Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
