mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
