Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
