I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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