i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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