1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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