Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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