If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize