I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
